The Vatican should sell exclusive broadcast rights to the next Conclave. Proceeds could be used to feed the naked and clothe the hungry.


by Doug Lawrence

The TV networks seem to be pleased with the ratings from all the latest Vatican Conclave related broadcasts, but why should they expect to get all of that for free?

They’re used to actively bidding for exclusive broadcast rights to the Olympics, the World Series, the Superbowl, and other similar sorts of programming, and and they have no problem spending plenty of cash to obtain those rights. Cable TV is already making big money on historical dramas, based loosely on the Vatican, so why shouldn’t the church … and the poor … receive their “cut”.

Would it be so wrong for the Vatican to auction off exclusive broadcast rights to the highest bidders, and then use the proceeds for charity? They could even go so far as to organize the Cardinal electors into different teams … Survivor style … in order to boost the ratings … and the revenues … even more. Just lift the veil of secrecy from the Conclave … and have film crews accompany key Cardinals during the run up. Lots of juicy politics and potential programming there!

The networks would make money, the people would be entertained, the sponsors would have more direct access to the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics, and the poor would reap the ultimate benefits. Something this good could even have Popes resigning every few years, greatly increasing the chances of advancement/upward mobility for all the clergy!

The possibilities for a Vatican Television Network (VTN) also are truly endless. They could hire the guys from “Cheaters” to track wayward priests. They could revive the old “Queen for A Day” television show, but with a twist; this time, female priest wannabees get to live out their fantasy for a day, and we all get to watch.  The popular “Shark Tank” format would be perfect for televising mini inquisitions, or meetings between the bishops and LCWR sisters. And for Sunday evenings, they could develop dramas like “Desperate Nuns” or “Revenge of the Thornbirds”.

Now, do you see all the great things that can happen when you open up the windows and let in the outside world?

1 Comment

  1. Just bizarre, this “Extreme Media Frenzy” that just occurred at the Conclave! This was a Roman Catholic Event, to be pious and religious. Instead, it was a frenzy of Media Personalities competing for domination of ratings for $$$$$$$$$. Everyday, bets were placed on who the “Red Winner” was and who should be picked!
    Of course, we had to go through over and over again, “How the Church was diminished” by scandal over sex abuse, money laundering with the Vatican Bank, Mafia and Terrorist connections, possible sex rings inside the Vatican, even the old 1978 Murder Conspiracy on JPI was in the talk!
    You can’t keep the Liberal Media out, but perhaps a Donation for the poor, could be made and Be Made Public!

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