Political Catholic Question of the Day: How is that we find Catholics coming down on both sides of virtually every major political issue?

Question of the day: How is that we find Catholics coming down on both sides of virtually every major political issue?

Answer: About 50% of Catholics are liberal democrats. The other 50% of Catholics actually believe in God.

About those mail-in ballots…

The “Smoking Gun”

Related article

Seen on the Web: Promote the Sacrament of Reconciliation by serving beverages and snacks…

Seen on the Web: Promote the Sacrament of Reconciliation by serving beverages and snacks.

Editor’s note: It wasn’t clear whether refreshments would be served to those waiting in line, in the confessional, or later, after doing penance. But, consider the possibilities!

Seen on the web: “My parents spent $300,000 on my college degree, and all I have to show for it is a hatred of Western Civilization”

Seen on Taylor Marshall’s Twitter Feed: “My parents spent $300,000 on my college degree, and all I have to show for it is a hatred of Western Civilization” – posted by Father John

 

Announcing the “Honk for Jesus Campaign”


It’s time for the faithless, gutless incompetents who are running the Catholic Church to finally wake up and do their jobs!

Starting this week, and on every subsequent Sunday, until regular Masses resume, drive to church so as to arrive at your usual Mass time, park in the lot and repeatedly honk your horn for an hour or so, until somebody comes out to see what you’re up to.

If somebody comes out, tell him you’re a faithful Catholic, suffering from spiritual starvation and that you require immediate sustenance, in the form of the Holy Eucharist.

If nobody comes out, or if the police come by (which is probably what will happen) respectfully remain in place, praying and honking, until the time your regular Sunday Mass would have let out. Only then, should you depart.

Repeat, for all future weeks, as necessary,
until regular Sunday Mass resumes.

At least, God will know that you tried!

Of course, you’ll want to enlist all your parishioners and friends in the campaign, as well.

After all, it’s CHURCH!

Vatican Exclusive: New complaint department to be headed by a woman?

Rumors have it that Ms. Helen Byrne has been named to head a new, Vatican complaint department, which will serve as an “umbrella” site, consolidating virtually every type of complaint, including child abuse, heretical clerics, financial crimes, liturgical abuse, idolatrous worship and more, under a single, all encompassing Church authority.

The source of all the speculation is a recent comment by Pope Francis, where he was (reportedly) heard to say that if anybody has a problem with the Church, or with his papacy, they should simply, go to Helen Byrne.

The Vatican has not confirmed this story. 

 

 

Will Chicago’s activist Mayor go after the Navy’s Blue Angels for violating social distancing norms?

The Navy’s Blue Angels flew over Chicago today, to honor first responders and other essential workers, who have been in the forefront of the battle against the Covid-19 pandemic.

Separation maintained between the aircraft is typically only 18 to 36 inches, far short of the government mandated social distancing of 72 inches. But, all the pilots were reportedly, wearing masks.

There has (yet) been no comment from Chicago’s Mayor, or from the Governor.

Putting all of this Virus Madness properly into perspective


Read much more on the subject at Ann Barnhardt’s website

Why watching Mass on TV is so unsatisfying


Watching Mass on TV
is a lot like a beggar
who hasn’t had a good meal in days,
peering through the window of a gourmet restaurant,
watching a feast.

Seen at Canon212.com

Seen on the Web: Since five hundred people at a time are allowed in the Home Depot, can we hold our church service there?

Divine Justice In Action…


All the churches are closed, but so are all the sports stadiums.

Today’s Question: Did Jesus have ASPD – Anti Social Personality Disorder?


Today’s Question:
Did Jesus have ASPD – Anti Social Personality Disorder?

Jesus of the bible is a lot different from Jesus of popular conception. In Genesis 19 he tells Abraham there is no way to save Sodom…it had to be fire bombed.

When he saw people selling merchandise in the temple…he beat the merchants out with a whip.

When he found a tree without fruit on it…he cursed it causing it to die instantly.

When a woman asked him for healing…he called her a worthless dog (no matter what rationalizations you make up for that, he simply called her an *unworthy dog).

When he gave a teaching on how you should handle sexual temptations…he said pluck your eyes out if you can’t resist looking at pornography.

When an apostle asked a question amiss, his attitude instantly changed and he replied, ‘You wicked and foolish person’ (paraphrase).

Some features of people with ASPD are impulsiveness, irritability, ingeniousness (if IQ >130), early death, and overall a focus on the essentials of life.

For the character of Jesus, he focused on the fundamentals of what he considered the purpose of life that he unironically advocated for extremism.

Answer: Please make sure you remember to tell Jesus all of that, come Judgment Day. I’ll be watching. Can’t wait!

Asked and answered today on Yahoo! Answers. Edited for content and clarity.

This Easter, send your bishop a video of you placing money in the collection basket.

Virtual Mass. Virtual offering.

Fair and just!

And if things ever get back to normal:
A dollar a week, until they squeak!

Then, watch all the low-lifes, perverts, thieves, heretics and idolaters run,
like the devil!

A shout out to Father VF for the idea
And to Les Femmes – The Truth for the com box

Dystopian musings – part one: Gold vs. Toilet Paper

Dystopian (definitions courtesy of Google)
adjective
  1. relating to or denoting an imagined state or society where there is great suffering or injustice.
    “the dystopian future of a society bereft of reason”
    noun
    1. a person who imagines or foresees a state or society where there is great suffering or injustice.
      “a lot of things those dystopians feared did not come true”

How did all the “Gold Bug Dystopians” totally miss the fact that TOILET PAPER – rather than GOLD – would prove to be the universal medium of barter and exchange during these strange times?

Today’s question: What you do not like about the Catholics?

Question: What you do not like about the Catholics?

Answer: Catholics are the spoiled, rich kids of the Christian faith, on whom God has always lavished his inestimable love, sanctifying grace, awesome power and tender mercies.

God provides Catholics with a wide array of extraordinarily effective, spiritual “tools” with which Catholics might act to secure their eternal salvation, in Jesus Christ.

Jesus also never fails to appear on every altar, in every Catholic Church, all around the world, every hour of every day, every day of every year, at Holy Mass, so that Catholics might (through him, with him, in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, while giving great honor and glory to God the Father) faithfully renew the divine promise of Jesus’ one time, once for all, perfect and atoning sacrifice for the sins of the world.

It’s just not fair! Not fair, I tell you!

Asked and answered today on Yahoo!Answers. (Slightly edited for clarity and content.)

Faith question of the day: Is there any mention of flatulence in the Bible?

masks

Question: Is there any mention of flatulence in the bible?

Answer: Not sure exactly what this was referring to, but it was certainly noteworthy: Job 1:19 A violent wind came on all of a sudden from the side of the desert, and shook the four corners of the house, and it fell upon thy children, and they are dead…

Catholic comedian Jim Gaffigan’s reflections on Pope Francis and the papacy

NewPope

It would be great if you had a kid that ended up being Pope. That would be the ultimate bragging rights! “Oh you’re son’s a doctor? Ours is Pope. Oh, yours has a nice house. Our son has his own city. It’s in Europe.”

It would have been weird to go to high school with the Pope. Somebody did! Somebody was sitting at home in Argentina watching TV: “Wait a minute — THAT GUY is Pope?”

It’s not easy being a Catholic today in America. It’s a little like being a Cubs fan for the last hundred years. Love the team, not crazy about some of the management we’ve had.

Read more

Controversial Colorado abortion bill (surprisingly) dead on arrival

Pro-lifers mobilized in less than a week to pray for the defeat of the destructive bill that threatened to create unfettered access to abortion and undo life-affirming laws in Colorado.

Faith-filled citizens inundated state senators with phone calls, emails and personal requests to vote down the bill in support of mothers and for the protection of the unborn.

Jenny Kraska of the Colorado Catholic Conference said this night, April 16, is proof that Catholics can make a difference.

“Whenever someone says that we can’t make a difference, just remember this night, just remember this bill,” she said.

The Senate moved to lay over the bill until May 8, one day after the legislative session is scheduled to end on May 7. This effectively killed the bill, and the Senate will not vote on it.

Read more

Editor’s note: Fortunately, most of the opposition was probably stoned, on marijuana. Thank God for ganja!

Networks: Obamacare not ready for prime time

Obamacare_3

Buzzfeed is reporting the Obama administration sought a prime

time broadcast to announce the Obamacare enrollments, but the networks balked.

Link