Announcing the “Honk for Jesus Campaign”


It’s time for the faithless, gutless incompetents who are running the Catholic Church to finally wake up and do their jobs!

Starting this week, and on every subsequent Sunday, until regular Masses resume, drive to church so as to arrive at your usual Mass time, park in the lot and repeatedly honk your horn for an hour or so, until somebody comes out to see what you’re up to.

If somebody comes out, tell him you’re a faithful Catholic, suffering from spiritual starvation and that you require immediate sustenance, in the form of the Holy Eucharist.

If nobody comes out, or if the police come by (which is probably what will happen) respectfully remain in place, praying and honking, until the time your regular Sunday Mass would have let out. Only then, should you depart.

Repeat, for all future weeks, as necessary,
until regular Sunday Mass resumes.

At least, God will know that you tried!

Of course, you’ll want to enlist all your parishioners and friends in the campaign, as well.

After all, it’s CHURCH!

Vatican Exclusive: New complaint department to be headed by a woman?

Rumors have it that Ms. Helen Byrne has been named to head a new, Vatican complaint department, which will serve as an “umbrella” site, consolidating virtually every type of complaint, including child abuse, heretical clerics, financial crimes, liturgical abuse, idolatrous worship and more, under a single, all encompassing Church authority.

The source of all the speculation is a recent comment by Pope Francis, where he was (reportedly) heard to say that if anybody has a problem with the Church, or with his papacy, they should simply, go to Helen Byrne.

The Vatican has not confirmed this story. 

 

 

Will Chicago’s activist Mayor go after the Navy’s Blue Angels for violating social distancing norms?

The Navy’s Blue Angels flew over Chicago today, to honor first responders and other essential workers, who have been in the forefront of the battle against the Covid-19 pandemic.

Separation maintained between the aircraft is typically only 18 to 36 inches, far short of the government mandated social distancing of 72 inches. But, all the pilots were reportedly, wearing masks.

There has (yet) been no comment from Chicago’s Mayor, or from the Governor.

Putting all of this Virus Madness properly into perspective


Read much more on the subject at Ann Barnhardt’s website

Why watching Mass on TV is so unsatisfying


Watching Mass on TV
is a lot like a beggar
who hasn’t had a good meal in days,
peering through the window of a gourmet restaurant,
watching a feast.

Seen at Canon212.com

Seen on the Web: Since five hundred people at a time are allowed in the Home Depot, can we hold our church service there?

Divine Justice In Action…


All the churches are closed, but so are all the sports stadiums.

Today’s Question: Did Jesus have ASPD – Anti Social Personality Disorder?


Today’s Question:
Did Jesus have ASPD – Anti Social Personality Disorder?

Jesus of the bible is a lot different from Jesus of popular conception. In Genesis 19 he tells Abraham there is no way to save Sodom…it had to be fire bombed.

When he saw people selling merchandise in the temple…he beat the merchants out with a whip.

When he found a tree without fruit on it…he cursed it causing it to die instantly.

When a woman asked him for healing…he called her a worthless dog (no matter what rationalizations you make up for that, he simply called her an *unworthy dog).

When he gave a teaching on how you should handle sexual temptations…he said pluck your eyes out if you can’t resist looking at pornography.

When an apostle asked a question amiss, his attitude instantly changed and he replied, ‘You wicked and foolish person’ (paraphrase).

Some features of people with ASPD are impulsiveness, irritability, ingeniousness (if IQ >130), early death, and overall a focus on the essentials of life.

For the character of Jesus, he focused on the fundamentals of what he considered the purpose of life that he unironically advocated for extremism.

Answer: Please make sure you remember to tell Jesus all of that, come Judgment Day. I’ll be watching. Can’t wait!

Asked and answered today on Yahoo! Answers. Edited for content and clarity.

This Easter, send your bishop a video of you placing money in the collection basket.

Virtual Mass. Virtual offering.

Fair and just!

And if things ever get back to normal:
A dollar a week, until they squeak!

Then, watch all the low-lifes, perverts, thieves, heretics and idolaters run,
like the devil!

A shout out to Father VF for the idea
And to Les Femmes – The Truth for the com box

Dystopian musings – part one: Gold vs. Toilet Paper

Dystopian (definitions courtesy of Google)
adjective
  1. relating to or denoting an imagined state or society where there is great suffering or injustice.
    “the dystopian future of a society bereft of reason”
    noun
    1. a person who imagines or foresees a state or society where there is great suffering or injustice.
      “a lot of things those dystopians feared did not come true”

How did all the “Gold Bug Dystopians” totally miss the fact that TOILET PAPER – rather than GOLD – would prove to be the universal medium of barter and exchange during these strange times?

Today’s question: What you do not like about the Catholics?

Question: What you do not like about the Catholics?

Answer: Catholics are the spoiled, rich kids of the Christian faith, on whom God has always lavished his inestimable love, sanctifying grace, awesome power and tender mercies.

God provides Catholics with a wide array of extraordinarily effective, spiritual “tools” with which Catholics might act to secure their eternal salvation, in Jesus Christ.

Jesus also never fails to appear on every altar, in every Catholic Church, all around the world, every hour of every day, every day of every year, at Holy Mass, so that Catholics might (through him, with him, in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, while giving great honor and glory to God the Father) faithfully renew the divine promise of Jesus’ one time, once for all, perfect and atoning sacrifice for the sins of the world.

It’s just not fair! Not fair, I tell you!

Asked and answered today on Yahoo!Answers. (Slightly edited for clarity and content.)

Faith question of the day: Is there any mention of flatulence in the Bible?

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Question: Is there any mention of flatulence in the bible?

Answer: Not sure exactly what this was referring to, but it was certainly noteworthy: Job 1:19 A violent wind came on all of a sudden from the side of the desert, and shook the four corners of the house, and it fell upon thy children, and they are dead…

Catholic comedian Jim Gaffigan’s reflections on Pope Francis and the papacy

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It would be great if you had a kid that ended up being Pope. That would be the ultimate bragging rights! “Oh you’re son’s a doctor? Ours is Pope. Oh, yours has a nice house. Our son has his own city. It’s in Europe.”

It would have been weird to go to high school with the Pope. Somebody did! Somebody was sitting at home in Argentina watching TV: “Wait a minute — THAT GUY is Pope?”

It’s not easy being a Catholic today in America. It’s a little like being a Cubs fan for the last hundred years. Love the team, not crazy about some of the management we’ve had.

Read more

Controversial Colorado abortion bill (surprisingly) dead on arrival

Pro-lifers mobilized in less than a week to pray for the defeat of the destructive bill that threatened to create unfettered access to abortion and undo life-affirming laws in Colorado.

Faith-filled citizens inundated state senators with phone calls, emails and personal requests to vote down the bill in support of mothers and for the protection of the unborn.

Jenny Kraska of the Colorado Catholic Conference said this night, April 16, is proof that Catholics can make a difference.

“Whenever someone says that we can’t make a difference, just remember this night, just remember this bill,” she said.

The Senate moved to lay over the bill until May 8, one day after the legislative session is scheduled to end on May 7. This effectively killed the bill, and the Senate will not vote on it.

Read more

Editor’s note: Fortunately, most of the opposition was probably stoned, on marijuana. Thank God for ganja!

Networks: Obamacare not ready for prime time

Obamacare_3

Buzzfeed is reporting the Obama administration sought a prime

time broadcast to announce the Obamacare enrollments, but the networks balked.

Link

It is noteworthy that, in the half-century since the Council, the post-Conciliar liturgical texts have not themselves had any apparent power to inculturate themselves into our society and to generate anything similar to what the classical texts had produced.

Read more at Fr Hunwicke’s Mutual Enrichment Site

The Noah Movie Review: “Psycho Noah” – plus lots of other strange things

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Noah would be amazed:
An underwater family “selfie” taken by yours truly.
Big old wooden, sunken ship in background.

by Doug Lawrence

I just saw the Noah movie, investing $8 for a ticket to the midnight show. Did I like the movie? Not really! Here’s why:

It was for the most part, dark, dreary, apocalyptic, violent and much more of a “stretch” than most people would imagine.

At best, the Noah Movie might claim to be inspired by the biblical story, but there was very, very little actual correspondence between the Bible and the movie. They could have named the movie “Fred” and it would have played just as well – and been lots more believable.

They got a whole lot of biblical things all mixed up and then they threw in a whole bunch of non-biblical things they just “dreamed up”. Some of it was ingenious. Most wasn’t. To say they took liberties with the biblical truth would be a gross understatement.

Probably the worst of it was the portrayal of Noah as a confused, murdering psychopath, much like Jack Nicholson’s character in Stephen King/Stanley Kubrick’s “The Shining”. Isolation can do that to people … but to Noah … a prophet of God? That was way over the top!

Anthony Hopkins did  a nice job of playing Methuselah and the animal special effects were “cute”.

The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights has filed an application to march in the New York City Gay Pride Parade this year.

“I went to the managing director of the Heritage of Pride Parade and … said, listen, I want to march under my own banner, ‘Straight Is Great,’ in the 2014 Heritage of Pride Parade.

Link

Russel Crowe’s (Noah Movie) meeting with Pope Francis a “washout”

arkcorrected

The Noah star was supposed to have a reserved place in the VIP section of the Pope’s general audience so the leader of the Catholic church could give his approval to the £70million film.

But according to film company Paramount the Vatican cancelled, saying Crowe’s appearance would be too disruptive.

Text, photos and video

Editor’s note: Don’t feel bad, Russell – I can’t get a meeting with my bishop, either!

A short list of the Pope’s Lenten Exercises, via drone

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by Doug Lawrence

Five days of spiritual exercises for the Pope and the Roman Curia, held in the Casa del Divin Maestro in Ariccia near Rome, came to an end this morning. Thanks to a new, high-tech drone, complete with audio and infrared technology, along with a bit of help from the NSA, we can now report on some of what (allegedly) transpired there:

A list of some of the most notable exercises:

1) A workshop for coming up with fresh, new, laughably wordy pejoratives” – Like the now infamous ‘self-absorbed promethean neo-pelagian’ term that Pope Francis coined in order to “dis” Traditionalist Catholics, everywhere.

2) “Jew do you trust” – Ways to give Jews, Pagans, Muslims, heretics, tin-horn politicians, unbelievers and anti-Catholics unprecedented new powers over Catholic Church policy and governance.

3)Auto care tips for bishops driving humble cars” – Nobody showed up.

4) “The Really, Really New Evangelization” – Promoting third world, South American Catholicism to modern, post-Christian nations via token efforts, false humility, social media, photo ops, hastily arranged media interviews of dubious quality, the Jesuits, apostate women’s religious orders, and the clever use of incredibly imprecise “Vatican II-speak” political language – at the low, low price of confusing and demoralizing the most faithful of remaining Catholics.

5) “Who Am I To Judge?” – A very short presentation by Cardinal Raymond Burke, Prefect of the Apostolic Signatura, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the Catholic Church. 

6) Tradition, Schmadition!” – Making the Modernist case that the Holy Spirit doesn’t much care for Tradition, either! (33 slides – Microsoft PowerPoint Presentation. Also translated into German.)

Of course, due to some difficulties with translation, as well as problems with the drone’s data stream, plus the usual NSA dirty tricks, some of this may have come through a bit garbled. But you get the idea!