It is noteworthy that, in the half-century since the Council, the post-Conciliar liturgical texts have not themselves had any apparent power to inculturate themselves into our society and to generate anything similar to what the classical texts had produced.

Read more at Fr Hunwicke’s Mutual Enrichment Site

The Noah Movie Review: “Psycho Noah” – plus lots of other strange things

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Noah would be amazed:
An underwater family “selfie” taken by yours truly.
Big old wooden, sunken ship in background.

by Doug Lawrence

I just saw the Noah movie, investing $8 for a ticket to the midnight show. Did I like the movie? Not really! Here’s why:

It was for the most part, dark, dreary, apocalyptic, violent and much more of a “stretch” than most people would imagine.

At best, the Noah Movie might claim to be inspired by the biblical story, but there was very, very little actual correspondence between the Bible and the movie. They could have named the movie “Fred” and it would have played just as well – and been lots more believable.

They got a whole lot of biblical things all mixed up and then they threw in a whole bunch of non-biblical things they just “dreamed up”. Some of it was ingenious. Most wasn’t. To say they took liberties with the biblical truth would be a gross understatement.

Probably the worst of it was the portrayal of Noah as a confused, murdering psychopath, much like Jack Nicholson’s character in Stephen King/Stanley Kubrick’s “The Shining”. Isolation can do that to people … but to Noah … a prophet of God? That was way over the top!

Anthony Hopkins did  a nice job of playing Methuselah and the animal special effects were “cute”.

The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights has filed an application to march in the New York City Gay Pride Parade this year.

“I went to the managing director of the Heritage of Pride Parade and … said, listen, I want to march under my own banner, ‘Straight Is Great,’ in the 2014 Heritage of Pride Parade.

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Russel Crowe’s (Noah Movie) meeting with Pope Francis a “washout”

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The Noah star was supposed to have a reserved place in the VIP section of the Pope’s general audience so the leader of the Catholic church could give his approval to the £70million film.

But according to film company Paramount the Vatican cancelled, saying Crowe’s appearance would be too disruptive.

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Editor’s note: Don’t feel bad, Russell – I can’t get a meeting with my bishop, either!

A short list of the Pope’s Lenten Exercises, via drone

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by Doug Lawrence

Five days of spiritual exercises for the Pope and the Roman Curia, held in the Casa del Divin Maestro in Ariccia near Rome, came to an end this morning. Thanks to a new, high-tech drone, complete with audio and infrared technology, along with a bit of help from the NSA, we can now report on some of what (allegedly) transpired there:

A list of some of the most notable exercises:

1) A workshop for coming up with fresh, new, laughably wordy pejoratives” – Like the now infamous ‘self-absorbed promethean neo-pelagian’ term that Pope Francis coined in order to “dis” Traditionalist Catholics, everywhere.

2) “Jew do you trust” – Ways to give Jews, Pagans, Muslims, heretics, tin-horn politicians, unbelievers and anti-Catholics unprecedented new powers over Catholic Church policy and governance.

3)Auto care tips for bishops driving humble cars” – Nobody showed up.

4) “The Really, Really New Evangelization” – Promoting third world, South American Catholicism to modern, post-Christian nations via token efforts, false humility, social media, photo ops, hastily arranged media interviews of dubious quality, the Jesuits, apostate women’s religious orders, and the clever use of incredibly imprecise “Vatican II-speak” political language – at the low, low price of confusing and demoralizing the most faithful of remaining Catholics.

5) “Who Am I To Judge?” – A very short presentation by Cardinal Raymond Burke, Prefect of the Apostolic Signatura, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the Catholic Church. 

6) Tradition, Schmadition!” – Making the Modernist case that the Holy Spirit doesn’t much care for Tradition, either! (33 slides – Microsoft PowerPoint Presentation. Also translated into German.)

Of course, due to some difficulties with translation, as well as problems with the drone’s data stream, plus the usual NSA dirty tricks, some of this may have come through a bit garbled. But you get the idea!

New pastoral teaching technique: Priest tells young man to “Rot in Hell!”

hellcliffDawn Joly’s 15-year-old son Skyler accuses the Rev. Roman Manchester of Our Lady of Good Help in Burrillville of “snapping” on Monday night.

“All of a sudden he just snaps. (It) just clicked like that and then he said he hopes I rot in hell,” Skyler Joly said.

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Editor’s note: Wasn’t that just a breath of fresh air wafting through the open windows of the newly invigorated Catholic Church?

If you know what “lavatory” means then you already know where this is going!

By Matt C. Abbott

As National Catholic Sisters Week (March 8–14) comes to a close, I offer the following short memoir, written by Kenneth M. Weinig for the current issue of The Remnant Catholic newspaper. Thanks to Michael J. Matt, editor of The Remnant, for giving me permission to publish Mr. Weinig’s touching story in this column. Click here to visit the newspaper’s website.

Thank you, Sister Mary St. Roger!

By Kenneth M. Weinig

My first grade in public school had been rather boring, but I loved the weekly Catechism classes in my parish conducted by a smiling nun who put colored stars next to every question in the Baltimore Catechism I got right, which were many, thanks to the motivation by my Catholic grandmother, who lived with us, and by my Protestant mother, too. Wouldn’t it be wonderful, I had thought, to have such a wonderful teacher like this every day!

In September of 1950, my wish came true: I was overjoyed to enter the second grade at Our Lady of Loreto School in Hempstead, N.Y. My teacher was Sister Mary St. Roger, a cautious smiler. An early reader – thanks also to my mother – I expected to be placed in the Bluebirds, the highest group, but I was disappointed to be seated with the Robins. Oh, well, at least I wasn’t with the dumb Canaries. Later, I learned that mom had conferred with Sister, and they had agreed to give me a conservative placement, since I had come from a public school; better to promote than demote. Soon, I proved worthy of Bluebird membership but was glad they didn’t group for mathematics! As I write this, I am looking up at a shelf on which sits a small, blue ceramic lamb, given to me by Sister for winning a class spelling bee.

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Editor’s note: A Catholic school system without these dedicated sisters and the Catholic culture they lived, breathed and constantly promoted, by their every word and deed, is just another private school with a religious ed curriculum “tacked -on”.

It’s also important to note that many of the teaching sisters routinely managed class sizes of fifty children or more.

The pre-Vatican II Catholic school system was a constantly visible, beautiful sign of God’s grace, in action. As such, it fit in very well with the Catholic parishes of the time.

Of course, it wasn’t perfect. But it was close!

Other Self-Absorbed Promethean Neopelagians seem to agree!  What say you?

Let’s just go a head and declare Pope Francis a saint – today!

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It must be disarming to meet Pope Francis in the confessional, as his insights into the sins and foibles of the people of our times are so penetrating. He cuts right to the quick without evasion, and he names often subtle ways in which we abuse the grace God gives us. The section of the apostolic exhortation “Evangelii Gaudium” on temptations of pastoral workers (Nos. 76-109) unflinchingly identifies numerous defects of the church’s ministers. As an examination of conscience, there’s been nothing like it since C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters.

If true reform must grow out of conversion, then Pope Francis truly has the gift of discernment to set the church on the path of conversion. He identifies the most subtle ways in which pastoral ministers undermine their own effectiveness and the church’s mission. The list is long and in this Lenten season deserving of reflection by all Catholics. But the paragraphs on “spiritual worldliness” are particularly worthy of attention.

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Perhaps this time, he won’t be “misquoted”?

Vatican City, Mar 12, 2014 / 12:29 pm (CNA/EWTN News).- As the first pontiff to meet with those who are blind and deaf in an exclusive audience, Pope Francis will hold the gathering later this month – an encounter participants are highly anticipating.

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True Funeral Confessions: One-upping Pope Francis.

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by Doug Lawrence

Pope Francis’ recent confession about stealing a cross from the dead body of a fellow priest reminded me of a funeral I attended a long, long time ago – and something that I had never before confessed.

It was a pleasant summer morning at the cemetery. The grave had been freshly dug and the customary Astro-turf had been put down all around the perimeter, with the casket-lowering apparatus set upon it. A nearby oak provided a modicum of shade for all those assembled.

My employer’s elderly mother had passed away, and I was attending the graveside internment ceremony. Since one of my fellow employees and I appeared to be strong, vital, young men, we were assigned as escorts for several of the elderly ladies in attendance. Nobody told us precisely what we were supposed to watch out for or what we were to do. The idea was simply to stay close and offer whatever assistance might be necessary.

The internment rite competed, everyone prepared to pay final respects to the deceased, walking past the suspended casket and placing a flower on top. My fellow escort took up a position in line, some three persons ahead of me. Then there were three elderly ladies – and me. So far, so good!

The procession continued without a hitch, until the lady right in front of me began placing her flower on the casket. Somehow, in the proverbial “blink of an eye” – she just disappeared!

Her scream was not very loud, but it was still blood-curdling. O-o-o-h! O-o-o-o-h!  O-o-o-o-o-o-h! as she slipped into the grave – already in up to her shoulders and still going down! Mouth wide-open. Pleading eyes as big as saucers! Hell was about to swallow her up!

Such a thing would have seemed impossible, since there appeared to be only a few inches of clearances between the casket and the edge of the grave. But since the casket was merely suspended on a couple of nylon belts, there was nothing to stop a little old lady from pushing it aside and going right in. I’ll never forget the image, which has been permanently burned into my brain.

I managed to reach down and in one fluid motion, grab her right wrist and hand, pulling her up, out, and setting her right back on her feet. She was OK. In fact, things couldn’t have gone better if we had practiced! I brushed her off a bit and we continued on. Quick as a flash, the incident was over – or so I thought.

Looking up to see how my escort “buddy” had fared during all of this, I was met with a smirk – which quickly escalated to a chortle – which quickly escalated into a full blown, out of control, “laugh-in-church” type of scenario.

The emergency successfully past and safely overcome, there was no denying the levity of the situation. We had just experienced a rare and unusual happening and desperately needed to express our feelings. But we just couldn’t, right now!

So, red-faced and choking back tears, we respectfully made our way back to the car, rolled up the windows, and for the next ten minutes, laughed our respective butts off. I’m sure the car was shaking, the whole time!

We like to think that our hysterical laughter might have been mistaken for grief.

Such is the nature of True Funeral Confessions. Send us your own similar stories, for publication.

Jimmy Carter called. He wants his foreign policy back!

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Submitted by Bob Stanley

Despite all the warm, fuzzy rhetoric, remember: Jesus Christ is not some wimpy surfer dude.

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Jesus Christ is not some wimpy surfer dude

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m one of those Latin Mass-only renegades that Father Too-hip and Sister Mary Polyester warned you about.

With that said, I must ask: When did Jesus become such a wimp?

Allow me to go a bit further, when did Christianity become so wimpy? When did The Savior become the world’s first great social worker?

And I don’t mean the artistic portraits of Christ as some kind of anorexic 16 year old, narrow shouldered little girl with a beard? That’s been going on way before Vatican II.

No, I’m referring to this theological Novocaine that pushes the agenda of Jesus being a cross between The Dude from The Big Lebowski, and some soft-spoken and equally smelly hipster with a butterfly tattoo on His ankle.

Read more

Atheist reviewer pans “Son of God” movie.

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A film so compromised even Satan failed to show up?

What would Jesus think of entertainment producers who translated his life story to the big screen in the hopes of a multimillion dollar payout? Does it make a difference if the film intends to bolster the faith of believers through shock and awe? What if it fails entirely at convincing doubters and skeptics of his worldview — or even at explaining why they should share his values?

All of the above applies to “Son of God,” a lavish hunk of sermon-tainment with all the gravitas of a Communion wafer. Married producers Mark Burnett and Roma Downey had director Christopher Spencer and editor Robert Hall slice and dice their ten-hour History Channel miniseries “The Bible” (2013) — the one that supposedly cast a President Obama look-alike as Satan — into a 138-minute feature. (Perhaps to avoid further controversy, Satan does not appear in this film.)

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Illustration credit: rossrightangle

Short video makes a startling point about liberals and guns

Watch the video

Submitted by Frank V.

So sick it’s funny: The Catholic year 2013 in review.

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Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o realized he had been duped into playing for fake a Catholic university, and in a controversial move, the Chicago School Board banned crosses and lower case T’s.

In February, parishioners were mystified by the sudden appearance of a mysterious “shiny, golden box,” which turned out to be a tabernacle.

Later that month, Vatican insiders confirmed that the reason Benedict XVI resigned was because the Roman Curia was too “fabulous” for him, revealing that Benedict was a simple man who could not keep up with the non-stop furniture re-arrangements, hair stylings, or near-hourly musical numbers he found himself surrounded by in the Vatican.

Of course, there’s more

The Pope Francis Little Book of Insults

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My favourite is “You querulous and disillusioned pessimist!”

See them all

Related story

Maybe the “apple” was covered with chocolate?

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Monsignor Charles Pope takes a closer look at the events leading up to The Fall of Man.

Making the mistake of confusing Jesus with the people inside of the Church

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And that brings us to the point. Like the guy in the “I hate religion but love Jesus” video, I was making the mistake of confusing Jesus with the people inside of the Church. And this is, in a nutshell, the main problem with post-Vatican II Catholicism AND Protestantism in all its forms. BOTH – because the Novus Ordo milieu and so-called “spirit of the Council” is simply the Protestantization of the Church and the Liturgy.  And since Protestantism is a heresy, and leads inevitably to atheism (Look around, kids.  What exactly do you think is happening?  You have a front-row seat to the five-centuries coming culmination of Luther’s heresy.), the Novus Ordo WILL die, if not by the Arm of Justice, then by its own built-in suicide mechanism.

What is going on in these liturgies and services is NOT the worship of God. What is going on is the WORSHIP OF THE GROUP. Christ is merely the meme, or excuse, that these people are using in order to get together and WORSHIP THEMSELVES. The focus is ENTIRELY on the people.

Read more from Ann Barnhardt

Aging relic of the 1960’s culture finally gets his picture on the cover of Rolling Stone

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A prophetic “sign” – or just bad timing?

As tens of thousands of people watched in St. Peter’s Square today, two white doves released in St. Peter’s Square were attacked by a crow and a seagull.

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Editor’s note: Where’s Daniel the Prophet when we need him? What should we make of this, if anything?