A short list of the Pope’s Lenten Exercises, via drone

popedrone

by Doug Lawrence

Five days of spiritual exercises for the Pope and the Roman Curia, held in the Casa del Divin Maestro in Ariccia near Rome, came to an end this morning. Thanks to a new, high-tech drone, complete with audio and infrared technology, along with a bit of help from the NSA, we can now report on some of what (allegedly) transpired there:

A list of some of the most notable exercises:

1) A workshop for coming up with fresh, new, laughably wordy pejoratives” – Like the now infamous ‘self-absorbed promethean neo-pelagian’ term that Pope Francis coined in order to “dis” Traditionalist Catholics, everywhere.

2) “Jew do you trust” – Ways to give Jews, Pagans, Muslims, heretics, tin-horn politicians, unbelievers and anti-Catholics unprecedented new powers over Catholic Church policy and governance.

3)Auto care tips for bishops driving humble cars” – Nobody showed up.

4) “The Really, Really New Evangelization” – Promoting third world, South American Catholicism to modern, post-Christian nations via token efforts, false humility, social media, photo ops, hastily arranged media interviews of dubious quality, the Jesuits, apostate women’s religious orders, and the clever use of incredibly imprecise “Vatican II-speak” political language – at the low, low price of confusing and demoralizing the most faithful of remaining Catholics.

5) “Who Am I To Judge?” – A very short presentation by Cardinal Raymond Burke, Prefect of the Apostolic Signatura, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the Catholic Church. 

6) Tradition, Schmadition!” – Making the Modernist case that the Holy Spirit doesn’t much care for Tradition, either! (33 slides – Microsoft PowerPoint Presentation. Also translated into German.)

Of course, due to some difficulties with translation, as well as problems with the drone’s data stream, plus the usual NSA dirty tricks, some of this may have come through a bit garbled. But you get the idea!